imagining the highest version of myself
dipping my toes in more responsible manifestation-esque thinking
I did say I’m leaning away from manifestation practices. And for good reason: centring my mindset around how I’d like my life to be puts me in a space of dissatisfaction. I’m a big self-improvement kind of girl, but I want to be happier more than I want to be better.
And yet, this is a post inspired by my favorite yt lady manifestation podcaster. I don’t listen to her often these days, though sometimes I check in to see what she’s talking about in her world of aligned action and channelling the highest version of yourself. I just listened to an episode about having to wait for something that will come at a specific time and considering who you want to be when it arrives.
Well see, I have to wait for something. Due to a number of reasons, I can’t look for representation as a model in LA until the fall. It’s something that’s brought me dread, panic, a sense of stagnation, but it’s also brought excitement and stirred creative energy and the air of unexpected possibility. So the question is a little thrilling:
Who do I want to be in six months when I can seek representation again?
My instinct is to create a list of ways I can upgrade myself, rid myself of habits I imagine to be the source of my failures; finally and fully embody the lifestyle I daydream will channel my highest self. But that hasn’t worked before. I haven’t been able to do it, and falling short has only made me unhappy.
I’m still waiting for answers here. Maybe the question is good to have, but maybe it’s rhetorical. Maybe I won’t know for sure who I’ll be in six months until I get there.
I will try to be better, as well as happier, in the meantime. I’m going to eat more and healthier, I’m going to read instead scroll, etc, etc. The goal is, really, to find a way to feel good about the way I live and the choices I make. Perhaps if I do that, I’ll naturally become who I want to be.
Anyway,
Not too engaged by Women Who Run with the Wolves so far; on board with The Four Agreements
Finally got my glasses & they’re my new personality
Appeared as a hair model for Rōz on KTLA
That’s all. Kisses. Thanks for reading,
Z